there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
