May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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