Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
