NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i believe in u and ur pee
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
