I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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