Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
