I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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