Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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