she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
