Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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