i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
