Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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