you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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