I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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