Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize