porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
