True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
