sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
