Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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