just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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