she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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