You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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