Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
