I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
