Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
