Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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