the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
