My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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