Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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