Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
