Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
