the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
