This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
