Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
