I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
