I think I just saw someone hide a body.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
