She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
