I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
