Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
