i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
