i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
