Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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