and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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