What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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