I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
