I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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