If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
