so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
