Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
