My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
