its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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