i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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