omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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