I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
