my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
