I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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