part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
