Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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