1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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