u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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