So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
