Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
