i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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