I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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