babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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